In the Midst of Me

Why do I doubt You oh Lord when You have continuously proven Yourself to me?

Why do I doubt You oh Lord when You have told me that You have chosen me?

Why is my heart tangled in a series of questions questioning Your existence if I have seen how You have worked in my life?

Why am I feeling alone when I know You have promised me that You will never leave me nor forsake me?

Why am I like this?

Lord is there something wrong with me?

If there is, then make things right for me.

Is it my faith?

Then embrace me even more so that my mind won’t fool me and start raising questions that are not supposed to be raised.

Open the eyes of my heart Lord because I wanted to see You once again.

I wanted to see Your face and keep my hope up just like before.

Did I walk astray?

In my path it seems that You’re not there?

Please straighten things out for me because I cannot figure this one out on my own.

My body is cold and my spirit is weak

Embrace me Lord and keep me warm in Your loving hand

I have fallen and I can’t stand on my own.

Raise me up again and let me hold Your banner in this warfare

Anoint me and I will be Your warrior.

Why do I still doubt You?

It is my faith.

It is the barrier that I have built between us.

Crush this shell in my heart like the way You have crushed the walls of Jericho

Marry me and dwell in my temple as You have promised

I know You have chosen me amongst the others

Save me from myself for I am causing all the doubts in me

Sanctify me.

Purify my mind.

Break my heart and make it Yours just like what You have promised.

In the midst of my doubts I know in my heart You will come and save me.

A Moment of Contentment

I lay here on our bed

Hiding under the sheets while cuddling the pillows

I look intently on the man I’ve longed for so long

He placed his fingers on the strings

Strumming and singing his song away

Rejoicing with the soothing and calming melodies

As the rain pour down in this cold vivid night

We stay within the four corners

Blissful and contented

Passionately sharing the warmth of our devotion

I just recalled that when I was still in high school, I always wanted to have a boyfriend who knows how to play an instrument. I guess that’s one of the reasons why my first boyfriend happened to be a drummer in a band. I always wanted to have a drummer boy. I don’t know why I was so attracted with drummers. They were the first one I focused on whenever I watch a live band playing. My first boyfriend also knew how to play the guitar and I enjoyed it because my sister and I can sing as he plays. Later on I realized that I wanted to share my life with someone who can both play the guitar and sing (since my ex-boyfriend was and is a terrible singer, we prefer him to play the guitar and drums instead)

I had quite a few relationships after that but they were frustrating because they were not into music. All of them can’t play even just one musical instrument (which I think is stupid), however,  one of them was a vocalist in a band playing half-baked rock songs (well that’s how I call it) but he got a terrible attitude problem.

I love music and it was exasperating to be with someone who doesn’t give a damn about it. I grew up listening to different musical genre and I grew up enjoying music with my family and because of that, I can’t imagine myself growing old not having music as part of my life. For me it’s like rice in every meal; staple. Life is never complete without it.

Now I’m here on my bed, staring at the person whom I decided to spend my life with, with his guitar, carelessly singing songs that he wishes to sing. I enjoyed watching him as he search for each note, each tone and each tune, and it’s fun laughing with him as he commit mistakes. While staring at his eyes, I tell myself that finally I found my musician. I finally found my match.

This is how I imagined my life until the day I pass away; sharing each night drowned in music with my soul mate after spending the whole day fighting with life’s hardships and struggles. I wanted to grow old singing with the person who makes my heart sing and my soul dance. In music, we find home as we embrace comfort with confidence knowing that we will always be like this until our voices wither and our hands stiffen and can no longer hold any instrument. Through this, I can spend eternal life happily knowing that I am fulfilled in my lifetime on earth with him.

Entwined

Every day we carry on to our separate worlds doing what we were designed to do

As we play our role, we become part of the setting that we chose to be in

It doesn’t matter how far our worlds are once the sun rises because once it sets, our worlds never fail to coincide

In their union our home is built and there we find comfort

In their union our hearts are granted with contentment and serenity

As our worlds meet, our hearts unite

I blissfully hide in the shadows while you are savouring the lime light

I merge in your crowd while you enjoy your moment on center stage so you can confide who you are and what you are capable of

In your journey to climb your chosen mountain, I stay in its feet waiting for your return to hear the story of your adventure

While you try to go up the ladder, I stay at its base making sure that you won’t fall or in case you do, I am there with you when you hit the bottom

By the time you sign off and the others no longer listen, you got my ears tuned in to you until your heart finds its rest

You’re aware that I’m a full of defects and there’s only so much that I can do

In my homelessness you offered your arms to cradle me, allowing me feel that it’s alright to be imperfect

In my flaws you find precision

In my weakness you find strength

In my faults you find charm

In my whole being you find beauty

The set of eyes you have captures what is in the heart instead of seeing what is the obvious

To you I’m not just a woman, but the vessel of the lost other half of your soul that you fortunately found

We celebrate life as we go with the rhythm of our worlds that nourishes our individual growth without destructing the other

We set forth each other to bloom to replenish our being that prevents us from drying

Our love is in freedom with exclusivity and mutual respect that others admire and others criticize

Nevertheless we are each other’s colour that completes our life’s masterpiece that no one can deny and no one can take away

Our Passion

Dedicated to Nong Ian

Meet the BACOLOD BATTLE BOYS

Once the music starts to play, I have this inclination to unconsciously close my eyes and deeply pay attention to its rhythm and harmony. When my eyes are closed, the musical score speaks to me more intimately than ever. The longer it is close, the further I allow music to reach my soul. As my eye sight slumbers, my ears are magnified and a new dimension welcomes me to be one with the spirit of the Greatest Composer of all time. With my ears unwrapped, I isolate the resonance of each instrument and appreciate how every note take its part in the totality of the composition.

Music is a divine tool inculcated amongst us. It is embedded in our being which allows us to be in touch with others and have a spiritual journey with nature and with the Supreme Being. It is the language that the spirit has long been aware of since the time of creation. Given that the spirit is familiar with music; it has a direct influence in our body and in our soul that affects our disposition. It was carefully designed by God to reflect what words cannot duly express and it can fathom what intellect cannot comprehend; more like the mirror of the psyche and the heart.

Mhandatus

Music is a gift from the Almighty that’s why it deserves reverence and adoration. It is the best companion that we can have for it is able to truly understand and accept who we are as a person. It is a friend when nobody else is there to comfort, to give happiness, to inspire, and to give wisdom.

Music bridges the gap between the visible and the invisible, the known and the unknown, that’s why when notes come together, harmony, will turn into a magical experience. As music passes through the ears, we get to taste one of His finest creations that we can enjoy and own. Once it gets inside our body it goes straight in our mind and sinks in to the heart. Once it is bonded with the heart, we also bond with God.

Music is powerful. It can destroy barriers, at the same time; create a relation between people from different walks of life. It is able of rebuilding the broken spirits, and it has the ability to shatter defences. It can put a halt to what seems to be a never ending war. Together with time, it can heal wounds that could lead to acceptance, afterwards forgiveness.

Soltera

Music is like blood being pumped in the heart that runs through the veins. It gives strength when the soul is weak. It gives life when the conscience is dead. It feeds the spirit when it is hungry. It comforts the heart when it is in sorrow or grieving.

Music is like a drug that you can’t get over with. It is like food and air that you can’t live without. It is our deliverance from life’s routine. It keeps us alive and appreciates our existence in this world. Music is love. It is passion. It is reverence. It is wisdom. It is pride and honour.  It is an art. It is culture. It is everything.

Music is life and life is music.